shame…

07/02/2009 at 6:11 pm (Uncategorized) (, )

why am i ashamed to be working out and trying to be healthier?  i started working out a few minutes ago, and then i noted the time.  i realized that it was probable people would be home before i was finished and that made me embarassed, so i stopped.  i have been using the excuse that “i’m working” to exercise in my office without people bothering me for the past two months.  i then stay locked up until i’m not sweating or beat red to eliminate all the evidence.  what’s wrong with me?  why can’t i just admit that i’m doing something, and deal with the reactions?  i know the reactions are going to be supportive and nice, but even that makes me cringe.  i would rather just do it in secret.  this is the same as when i actually start losing weight and people comment, i get all weird and deflect any compliments.  i dont really understand myself.  but, for right now, at least i know that it’s not stopping me.  i’ve managed to do the workouts and eat better without detection from others.  but, how long will i be able to do this?  how long will i have to live my life in secret?  how long will i let this ridiculous anxiety get the best of me?

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